Barb's Rope Horse Element
As the days grow cold and dim with November's chill breath I'm finding my spiritual self 'losing my leaves' as a tree does – and I'm like the barren branches, scratching the sky for the 'more' that my soul is seeking after. There's turbulence in my innermost parts these days and I simply don't know how to deal with it.
Its not about God, its not about my Faith in Him. I DO believe, with all my heart. I'm just at a 'jumping off place', a 'fork in the road' trying to decide whats my next decision. Oh, how easy it would be to just be complacent and stay static, doing what I'm doing – but again, the danger there is I would get what I would get, y'know? And what I'm getting right now is simply not enough. This makes me incredibly sad inside because its scary to accept the cold hard facts because, as our Pastor recently preached, it means you then have to DO something with that. Its time to quit flying under the radar – time to get radical in doing. I'm not sure what this exactly means for me.
God has given you incredible potential.
Don't be afraid to take risks.
“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity,
but a spirit of power,
of love and self-discipline.”
2 Timothy 1:7
My emotions have been in a turmoil for a while. I've prayed about it. I've tried analyzing it. I've prayed with my husband about it – for what affects one in a marriage has a direct bearing on the other. Thankfully, my husband supports me 100%. For this, I'm completely broken.
Anything that makes you pray, is a blessing.
“Call upon me in the day of trouble;
I will deliver you,
and you will honor me.”
I've come to know that many non-Christians will find this hard to understand. I've have discovered that there's a misconception that once a person becomes a Christian, they no longer have the same problems the rest of the world does. And even more alarming, that if we should have a problem, then we will automatically react differently than non-believers. Well, in a perfect world that would be. And in most cases, the closer we walk to God then it is readily evident. But then again, we are human. We are all sinners. Nobody's perfect. And even though we LOVE our brothers and sisters, we don't always LIKE them. And not all LIKE us back.
Christians are not perfect, just forgiven.
“But if we confess our sins to Him,
He can be depended on to forgive us
and to cleanse us from every wrong.”
1 John 1:9
I think what runs us into trouble, is trusting in people, rather than in Jesus. People will always let us down, whether we believe that or not – its by our very nature. So we set ourselves up for disappointment by merely having expectations of others. When we try to conform others to our way of thinking they will always come up short. At some point, its wise to just accept one another. Love one another, but accept each other for the way we are. Accept and move on. Unless you marry someone. Then, you should have expectations – high expectations... OF YOURSELF. Expect you can be the best for your mate – without exception. Work out being your best to the person you promise yourself to. (I'm not talking about abusive relationships)
So begins a journey for me right now. I'm taking a breather from whats 'normal' in my life. I'm taking some time out to explore my options. And I'm finding confirmation that God has something in the works for me. I'm receiving affirmation from so many places – and it frightens and excites me all at the same time.
Victory is gained only through conflict.
“For whatever is born of God
overcomes the world;
and this is the victory that overcomes the world,
1 John 5:4
One of the sources which presented itself to me in the past few days, was the arrival of an Advance Reader Copy of Dr. Gary Thomas's newest book – The Beautiful Fight (link to the left if you would like to learn more) Miles and I've begun to delve into it, and right from the first chapter it's carrying a powerful message. Its making me realize immediately how I was placing so much emphasis on morality that I'm almost missing the point of what God really wants me to experience. I'm measuring my faith so much by what I'm not doing out of love and respect for God, that I can't see past that. I can get so hung up on whats 'correct' and 'not correct' to the extreme that I could not move beyond. Its time for me to find out the 'more' that He has waiting for me. I must be unafraid to embrace whatever God will have us doing in the future, even if this means change – or just a change of attitude within myself.
You can't see around the corners – but God Can (Robert A. Cook)
“Show me the path where I should go,
O Lord, point out the right road for me to walk.”
Gary Thomas is hoping his book will aid in seeking a Return to Splendor – the splendor and passion which moved Christians of the past to declare and stand up for their faith – even when it cost them their lives. An unshakable, steadfast and joyous faith which defined their very lives.
Yeah, who does not desire a faith like this, a walk like this? Are we really living when we are scared to die for it? I'm dying to live this way.
I want to be like Jesus.
What about you? Are you content with your faith today? Is it fluid? All encompassing? If it's not 'more' for you today, are you willing to face it to make a change? If you're a non-Christian, what are your expectations of a Christian? I'd love to hear from you!
I'll share more about The Beautiful Fight as we read more. I know Sacred Marriage was the most powerful marriage book my husband and I've ever come across (and believe me, we've read many!) So we have a great anticipation this book will be of good value to read.